Wednesday 26 September 2012

കാലം തെറ്റി വന്ന ക്ഷണം


അമ്പലത്തിലെയ്ക്കുള്ള വഴിയില്‍ പതുക്കെ നടക്കുകയായിരുന്നു.രണ്ടു വരിയായി നിരന്നു നില്‍ക്കുന്ന അഗ്രഹാര ഭവനങ്ങള്‍. ഗോപുരത്തിന്റെ അടുത്തെത്തിയപ്പോള്‍ ഒരു പഴയ അംബാസിഡര്‍ കാര്‍.അകത്തേയ്ക്ക് പാളി നോക്കിയപ്പോള്‍ നിറഞ്ഞ ചിരിയുമായി കമല മാമി ഇറങ്ങി നിന്നു.
“എപ്പോ  വന്തായ്‌?” 
അന്ന് വെളുപ്പിനാനെന്നു പറഞ്ഞപ്പോള്‍ പിന്നെയും ചോദ്യം.
“ഇപ്പൊ വീട്ടില്‍ ആരാ?”

വീട്ടില്‍ ആരും ഇല്ലെന്നും വാരാന്ത്യങ്ങളില്‍ താന്‍ വെറുതെ വന്നു ഇരിക്കുന്നതാനെന്നും അറിയാതെ അല്ല.വെറുതെ ഒരു കുശലം.

“ആരും ഇല്ല,” ഞാന്‍ പറഞ്ഞു മുന്നിലേയ്ക്ക് നടക്കാന്‍ തുടങ്ങി.

‘അപ്പൊ ഭക്ഷണം? എങ്കെ സാപ്പിടറായ്‌?” മാമി വിടാനുള്ള മട്ടല്ല.
“ അയ്യര്‍ ഹോട്ടല്‍ ഉണ്ടല്ലോ” ഞാന്‍ ചിരിച്ചു.

“വീട്ടിലേയ്ക്ക് വരാമല്ലോ” മാമി ക്ഷണിച്ചു.:അവിടെ ഞാനും മാമാവും മാത്രമേ ഉള്ളു”

“സാരമില്ല,ഇന്നിപ്പോള്‍ ഒരു കല്യാണ സദ്യ ഉണ്ട് “ ഞാന്‍ മുന്നോട്ടു നടന്നു.

ഒരു ഇരുപതു കൊല്ലം മുമ്പായിരുന്നെങ്കില്‍ മനസ്സില്‍ കുളിര് കോരിയിടാന്‍ പോന്ന ഒരു ക്ഷണം!
പാതി ചാരിയിട്ട വാതിലിനപ്പുറത്ത് തുളസിയുടെ കാല്ചിലങ്കകുളുടെ മനം കുളിര്‍പ്പിക്കുന്ന മര്‍മരം.മാമി തന്നോട് ചോദിക്കുന്ന ചോദ്യങ്ങള്‍ക്കൊപ്പിച്ച് അടക്കി പിടിച്ച ചിരിയുടെ നേര്‍ത്ത നിസ്വനം.ആരും അറിയാതെ താന്‍ മുമ്പത്തെ  വര്‍ഷത്തെ രഥോല്സവത്തിനു വാങ്ങി കൊടുത്ത കുപ്പി വളകളുടെ കിലുക്കം.
ഇന്നിപ്പോള്‍ കടലിനക്കരെ ഭര്‍ത്താവും ഒന്നിച്ച് സസുഖം വാഴുന്ന തുളസിയെ മനസ്സില്‍ നിന്നു പുറത്താക്കി അമ്പലത്തിനുള്ളിലെയ്ക്ക് കടന്നു.

Thursday 7 June 2012

അച്ഛന്‍


ഇന്നലെ ആ നടുവിരല്‍ പിടിച്ച് നടന്നതാണ് ഞാന്‍ 
ഇന്നും ചൂണ്ടുവിരല്‍ ആയി ആ പാദങ്ങള്‍ നില്‍ക്കുന്നു
കാലം തന്‍ കര്‍ക്കടക വിരലുകളാല്‍ കാര്‍ന്നു തുടങേ
നിസ്സഹായനായി വിരലും ഞൊടിച്ചിരുന്നു ഞാന്‍
പെയ്തൊഴിഞ്ഞില്ല കര്‍ക്കടകം,കാലവും ,
കൊണ്ടുപോയ് തന്‍ കൂടെ, എന്‍ സ്മരണകളെ
അച്ചന്റെ ചിതയില്‍ എരിഞ്ഞടങ്ങി ,എന്‍ ബാല്യവും കുതൂഹലവും
കാത്തിരിക്കട്ടെ ഞാന്‍ ഇനി ഒരു ജന്മത്തിന്‍ ചിലമ്പൊലിക്കായി 

Sunday 1 April 2012

Please send our kids home!


Please send our kids home!

Meet Muruganandam, all of 13 years. He frequents my office with a stainless steel tumbler full of chundal –a healthy Tamil snack made of groundnut and coconut scrapings. He is good looking with a polite tongue that could be the envy of a diplomat. My office secretary used to buy from him sometimes because she was hungry and sometimes just because he was nice. I occasionally talked to him when he told me he is doing this to augment family income. His father was dead, mother was chronically sick and bed ridden. He had two elder sisters who stopped schooling in middle school and are now working in a beauty parlor .Today I had just returned from a lecture to doctors undergoing training in the Training Institute with which we share our office space. This was a good batch which interacted a lot and gave a polite applause at the end. So I was in a happy mood when I walked in and saw Muruganandam .I asked him how he was. He smiled and said he was okay. I could not see his Chundal and it was odd time –school hours. He smilingly informed me he had stopped attending regular school. He had also stopped the Chundal business. He had got a job in a factory making some mementoes. His mother and uncles had told him in no uncertain terms that he was expected to work and not waste time studying. He was in 8th.Now his kindhearted teacher was taking a weekend special class for him and marking him present on all days. But his family was aghast that he should continue with his insistence on studying.
“But Anna, (honorific title -brother that we Maduraiites use for anybody including younger ones), I will study till 10th.And then further if I get good marks. Or I will join Polytechnic college.” he said with a glint in his eye.
“Are you able to study with just a weekend class?” I asked him.
“I manage” he said sheepishly
The parent in me woke up.” How much did you score in the last annual exam?”. He had mentioned that he wrote only the annual exam last year.
“I got only 438 out of 500,’ he said” but this time I will get 450 plus”.
I was left speechless. I remembered me hugging my kids whenever they got even indifferent marks, just so that they felt happy.
“Do they teach well in school? What about your friends?” I asked.” Do they study well? --those who attend regularly?”
‘Oh, I have two friends who just play cricket day long and if the Head Mistress scolds him they abuse her. I tell them it is wrong, it is wrong, no, Anna? They do not care”

He then told me they got 150 marks and one of them was a Policeman’s son. I ask him what his salary is .A princely sum of 3000 Rupees. I am confused now. Can and should I offer him a monthly sum so that he can attend school? Will that mean having a conflict with the family, or worse, financial demands from a sick mother, poor uncles and so on?
His major worry now is that he should complete 9th Std. Probably fearing pressure from his family his kind teacher has suggested a way out .He can directly go to Class 10.I do not know how that happens. He is equally flummoxed. But his reason for wanting to do Class 9 is different
“Only if I go through Class 9 can I understand Class 10 lessons well and score a good mark”-he tells me-accurate reasoning.
I think aloud, discuss with my staff and finally gave him my card with phone number.
“Thambi, (younger brother/small kid), you are gonna study’ I told him.” Give this card to your teacher. Whenever you have a problem in studies ask her to contact me”

I do not know if I did my dharma today. I am also wondering about his job. He is in a factory making ‘shields” and cups for winners. I could not help thinking with irony whether he would ever hold one in his so ever so deserving hands.

India is littered with the shreds of many such dreams of poor bright children shattered against the walls of parental apathy and state neglect. His class teacher is my and his, only hope. I pray to God to give strength to the hand of this unknown but I am sure, beautiful lady.

And we are “shocked” by Europeans' overbearing concern for our kids. Come on guys, we do not put neglected children in foster homes, we throw them into factories and the streets. So relax. Just send them to India. We need them in our factories.

(Name changed to protect identity)

Tuesday 3 January 2012

Can we make them study?


Can we make them study?

Every parent’s bugbear is a child who is not “studying well”. Most common complaints are ‘he is always playing”, “she likes everything except studies” and so on. Is it possible to make children study all on their own?  Especially the ones with average grades? There are no magic wands here but a few tips on how problems can be opportunities.

What is learning?

Most of us adults would recollect at least one instance when on hindsight we would have”tried more hard” or taken a different route” or made a different choice. When the grades arrive all that we have is hindsight. In essence even this is learning. But in the more academic sense of the word, learning is the process of acquiring knowledge. Since basic knowledge in all fields is deemed essential in today’s world we have structured curricula in all subjects taught in schools. But it needs to be emphasized that mastering all subjects is not essential for success in life. Not knowing intricate details of historical events for instance may not be relevant for an Engineer but a sense of history is relevant if tomorrow he is become an IAS officer. Therefore learning is not mere accumulation of data but using new knowledge to leverage one’s innate instinct to succeed in life and equally importantly to become a socially responsible citizen. Passing an exam is a small event in this journey .Honestly how many of us recall our marks in the Quarterly examinations of Class 8? But right now, that seems to be the end of the road for your 13 year old!
LESSON 1:
Ensuring that the child learns the concepts of ideas is more important than rote memorization.
MESSAGE 1:
It is alright if he/she has less than expected marks in this test. He has more tests to write than you have years to live!

Learning to learn:

Human memory has finite capacity to process in formation and reproduce it at will. Let us briefly look at the processes.
As you read this document a part of your brain is reading it ,another is giving meaning to it and another is storing it for future use .Research has shown that information that is fed indiscriminately and then not used is easily lost .Brain has the capacity to flush out unnecessary data and retain the core. As can be easily made out data entry, storage and retrieval are all important in learning and for those still interested in them-scoring marks!
Retrieval of data is dependent on many variables but data that is linked to other data and then stored is easily retrieved .Let us look at memory itself-there are different kinds of memory-the short term one that helps you to dial a number moments after you heard it ,the medium term memory that helps you to write exams ,the long term ones that makes you recollect the past including childhood.
Committing to memory:
This is an important tool. It is not enough that knowledge is obtained. Children need to be taught to link data with anything interesting and commit it to memory. Acronyms, poems, familiar names can all be used .Just ask your family doctor how he studied his medical course. So many funny acronyms are in use in medical schools. This is not to encourage rote learning, but fact remains there are certain things which cannot be “further explained”.
Organizing memory:
It is not enough to memorize, organization of information into chunks that make sense is also important.
Lesson 2:
Learning can be fun if you can link the printed word to things he sees or hears regularly
Message 2:
Yes, your old teacher was right! Remember at least the headings- Organizing information!

Motivating children:

Punishment is the worst kind of motivation. Any child who is studying because otherwise he might be punished will be the first to “give up” when the pressure eases as he passes into adulthood. 
Being role models:
A parent who spends his/her time aimlessly is hardly likely to inspire children to learn. People who earn a living by manual labour or small business can also be role models. The trick is to be honest to the work one is doing. Children make out lousy work very easily and this gives the information “mediocrity works”.
Don’t live your dream:
Unrealistic expectations are at the heart of many parent ward conflicts. Do not make choices for your children. If you are a Maths teacher there are equal chances that your child might love, be indifferent to or plainly hate maths! If your ward love sports, gently remind him that at least a good degree would land him a job with a company that might be interested in recruiting sportspersons.


Reward and Bribe:

Never assure your child you will buy something if he gets good grades. But when he/she performs well surprise him/her with a reward.

Unconditional love:

The baby in the cradle sleeps peacefully because it   knows that” the cradle will rock”. Unconditional love is the best motivator. You can nudge him to spend more time with his books, but subtly assure him that come what may, even if he fails, he would still be your darling kid.

Spend time with your kids:

This might look like a cliché but is just as evergreen as green itself. Listen to your children as they narrate their woes, dreams, quarrels and successes. It might be pointless to you to listen to why Imran is a bad boy, but for your ten year old it is important .It might seem slightly ridiculous to get upset because a friend would not talk, but for a teenager that might bug him days on end. Live with your kids, see their movies, read their books, frown at their “foes”, laugh with their friends. Quality time spent with kids is the best motivator for him to fulfill his part of the “contract”-to learn well.

Control, don’t strangle!

In the new era there is this misconception that freedom to kids would solve all problems. Hardly! Children growing up with absolutely no control would themselves be clueless .They would not know how much to proceed and will be like unspooled kites. Some organization is good for the mind.
Everybody needs their space and so do kids. But they need to know where the limits lie. Going to a party is okay but returning late is not. Without limit setting children either withdraw completely or freak out completely.

Avoid de-motivating :

Comparison with peers may not be a good idea. If you feel the need to compare, even though I see no reason, then that needs to be tempered with a positive comment .But fact of the matter is we do end up comparing. We do it all the time! The trick is again unconditional love!

Remember that many successful people had mediocre academic backgrounds. But as a judge recently pointed out, every school drop- out does not become a Steve Jobs!

Dr Santhosh Rajagopal
MBBS, DCH. MA. Dip DN
Paediatrician and Developmental Neurologist